And I don't mean the book, Hard Times, by Charles Dickens. (Which, by the way, was "hard times" to read. Why yes, I could put it down, and did frequently before it was conquered.)
"Life is hard."
This is not a Southern saying. To my knowledge, it's not even specifically an American saying. And I don't know this for a fact, but I would be willing to bet that there is phrase similar to this in most languages. Even in my laid back, Southern, and privileged American life, sometimes it's just hard to deal, hard to accept, hard to handle. I think we sometimes try to live under the assumption that we are in control of our own lives. Really? As a God-fearin' woman I don't believe that, but even if I weren't, I think I would be able to recognize that more often than not, other people have far more control over us than we would ever like to admit. Let me give you a for-instance. For instance, you might be driving along one day, turn in to the local coffee shop for a cup of joe ("That'll put some hair on your chest...") and out of the blue, some crazy lady who's more worked up than a cat in a sandbox slams her Oldsmobile directly into your passenger side headlight. How much control did you really have in that situation? Could you have avoided it? Let's say there was no where for you to swerve and probably not even enough time for you to react. Still think you ultimately have the control? How about when someone you care about, that is a big part of your life, does something stupid, or inflicts self harm, or directly causes you pain. Ultimately, you have no control over that person and what they do affects you and others around you. I think that "life is hard" and "no control" go hand in hand. Don't they?
Life is hard when grad school hits you like a ton of bricks the second semester. It's as if they were just toying with you the first semester, hooking you in gradually so as not to scare you away. None of your classes are that hard. All of them are in the same building. A thesis is just something you think about in the future, but it hasn't become a reality yet. Then...BAM! They hit you with it. Second semester rolls around. None of your classes are in the same building, none are even in your department's building, and you're beginning your thesis and a case study all in one fail swoop. Why yes, this is a very particular example, perhaps because I'm dealing with it right stinking now.
Life is hard when you do things that you should have been able to control in hindsight, but at the time there wasn't an ounce of control exuding from your mind, heart, or body. Been there too. Why do we act certain ways when we are supposedly in control of our actions? Do we control our thoughts or do they manipulate us into making decisions and completing actions whether rational or not? When in hindsight we would do things so differently, but now, there is no control to be had because that moment has come and gone and we made the wrong decision. No rationality = no control. High emotions = no rationality. High emotions result from expectations. And as Shakespeare may or may not have said, "expectation is the root of all heartache." Whether he said it or not, I think it makes perfect sense.
Then there is always something happening on life's back burner. Family crises, boyfriend trouble, illness, death, disfunction, friendship drama....you name it, someone is going through it right now. They have very little control over those situations I would wager. (And yes I know that people bring things on themselves that they DID have control over, but that isn't what this post is aiming at.)
It's not all bad though. No one ever said life was fair. But with the bad comes the good, and contentment can be found. You might say there is a lack of control over the good times too, but we should always be grateful when those times present themselves. Life is an ever evolving cycle of good and bad, hard and simple, joyous and grievous experiences. This may sound completely cynical, but I brace myself for the bad, because I expect it. On the other side, I welcome the good with open arms because it is a gift.
Right now, you may be feeling some of the things that I feel. Or, you may be walking on sunshine because you're on the up cycle instead of the down. How do you deal with the ups and downs? I think that's what life is about. Dealing with them and helping others deal with them along the way. In most cases, we just need someone to help carry us through the hard times, and celebrate with us through the good times.
